Precious little moments

On a hot day, I truly hate turning on my stove for anything. So cooking dinner is a little daunting because I know it will add ten degrees to my house. Unfortunately being too hot truly annoys me. So on Monday night I was cooking dinner, my hubby and boys were building a train in the living room. All of a sudden my tired 20 month old love bug is pulling on my leg for me to hold him. I tell him "no baby mama's busy right now." Then James calls Noah back to the excitement in the living room. But instead of complying and making my life a little easier, he stands his ground and continues to pester me until I have to place him back into the living room. Frustrated with the heat, and my child I, let him throw his temper tantrum and go about cooking dinner. What is wrong with this picture? 
 My son was doing nothing wrong, he just wanted his mommy. Why is it we so readily get annoyed with our children when all they want to do is love on us? God has put this incident on my heart all week. 

I remember being a young mom ,holding my first born little boy ,listening to the advice of everyone around me. Most people, even strangers told me to cherish the time I had with  him, because it goes by in the blink of an eye. I laughed at them, literally, thinking no way. Oh boy I was so wrong. I have a four year old and a 20 month old. Where did four years go with my bouncing baby? Where did the past 20 months go with my youngest? I haven't cherished enough, I haven't had enough time with them and yet they grow up so fast. My nephew is now officially a kindergartner... Where is the time going?  Some days I look at my little Noah so proud because he is learning phrases and talking but my heart is aching because soon his cute little words will evolve into speech. My little man is growing up. Or I look at Logan and his endless imagination, remembering the past four year and how much he has grown and changed. My heart hurts for the loss of time we get with our kids.  This life is so so so short. Sometimes, most times, it is so easy to forget the importance of one day at a time.Tomorrow will be different. We as people take so much for granted. The air we breathe, the life we live, the heart that beats, the little moments of annoyance for our children who just want to snuggle. 
The phrase it could all be gone tomorrow is so true. They could be gone tomorrow.
One day, very soon, the wanting of mommy or the random I need you moments, will be gone.  Our kids are a blessing from God. They are not ours to keep. The belong to Him, our Savior. He graciously gives us these little lives, to nurture in the the Truth. We only get them for a short span of time, and in that short span they grow and change in a blink of an eye. So look at the moments of chaos with joy instead of annoyance. Look at the  entire box of cheerios thrown everywhere as a moment to laugh with your kids. Or burn dinner just to love on that child who so desperately wants a hug. Dinner or things can wait. Our kids can't.  In 5 years I will be looking back and wanting the moment back in the kitchen when I could have just snuggled my baby. Actually I wish I had it back now. But we will look back on our lives in times to come, and long for the imperfect moments. 


Take everyday as a new day. Every little incident or challenge with our kids as a growth opportunity in love. Our kids just want our love and attention. In retrospect, that not asking for much. 


Father God,
  Forgive me, for not cherishing the moments you give me with my family. Thank you for them and all they bring me. The joys, the tears, the sorrow and truimph. Thank you for blessing me with an amazing husband and daddy and two amazing boys. Thank you for letting me have them on this earth for this short time. Help me , guide me daily through the struggles and challenges of that day. And teach me to be grateful for the the precious little moments. Thank you for cherishing me and them. I love you Jesus! Above all else I love you and cherish you!

Thank you Lord,
Amen

Faith like a child

-Faith like a child-
( One of my most memorable moments)

Let me paint the picture. It's the beginning of summer, surrounded by the hum of family voices, the smell of meat cooking on the barbecue, wood smoke billowing from the fire-pit, laughter in the wind from my children. The sun is shining, and peace is resting upon me. Until I hear a scream and crying. The beautiful picture is shattered and I jump to see my 4 year old rushing to me , my heart is violently jumping in my chest with the mommy panic that seems to squeeze so hard it hurts. I glance over in the direction of where he was coming from, the fire-pit. My stomach sinks, and then anger sets in when the 5 adults sitting over yell across the field at me, he just burned his hand. I rush to my son who is sobbing holding his burned hand and my mind is racing.."Oh Lord what do I do. " I expect to hear my son cry for me to make it better. To make it stop hurting, but once he is safely in my arms all is hear him wail is ... " I need my God!!! " . I stood there astounded. My son, who is hurt doesn't need his mommy to make it better. He needs his God.

He cried over and over "I need my God." I quickly picked up my son, brought him into the house, placed his hand in a cool bowl of vinegar and looked at him and said " Okay baby, let's pray." We prayed for healing, for comfort, for ease of the child's heart. " My family then rushes in to tell me he had touched a cast iron skillet sitting on the edge of the fire. I prayed the anger I felt towards these adults would vanish. I looked down at my sons hand and saw the line of burnt flesh, and the blisters. I then told him, " Logan let's go walk and pray." We walked alone into the adjoining pasture. The sun was beautifully shining from behind the clouds. We sat in the tall green grass, he climbed in my lap and we prayed. I am not sure how long we sat there. But my sons patience was endless while he waited for his healing. No doubt. No questioning. Just waiting. I held Logan's burnt hand in mine and just prayed for healing so miraculous it would astound those unbelievers by the fire. But I also prayed the Lord would answer my sons prayer, fearing if He didn't it would shatter my son. My doubt and fear had crept in. After a time, I just sat there in the field holding my baby, my head comfortably resting on his hair. I could feel us being touched by God. Logan then looked up from his hand and said " Look!!! I am healed!!! God healed me Mama!! " Again I was astounded. The Lord had heard the cry of his child. But not only that, my sons faith was so strong the miraculous happened. God leaned down, not only touching my son, but touching my heart. I was the one doubting and fearing and in that moment my doubt and fear disappeared.

My son and I rejoiced saying how great our God is.. We immediately ran back to the party. Logan proudly declared that God had healed him. His faith for God poured out of him. His hand held no mark or blister. He was healed.

God tells us to have faith like a child Matthew Chapter 18:3-4. My sons faith in the Lord is my living astonishment. When my faith wanes, Logan's restores. This is one of my most memorable moments because it taught me in an instant, that God listens. He loves us. He heals. He comforts. He brings joy. He touches. He holds. He takes away fear and doubt. Our God is so great!

Woes and Trials = Peace

I can honestly say, I hate money. I hate it's greed, and frustration. It's claws that sink so far into us we lose perspective. I hate our dependence on it and truly wish we still lived in the 1800's when bartering was the way of life. ( My favorite era btw) 

But we don't. We live in a fast pace, money hungry society. Where everything costs something. But that's okay. Money is just a way of life. Today I felt like from every angle,  A money issue was thrown at me trying to cloud the beauty of the day that God created. What's amazing is,  I felt immediately the stress and worry and the how am I going to's, start to rise up. I forced the fear down.  You see I serve an amazing God. So powerful, and Almighty. You know nothing surprises God... Not the bills or late rent payment, or the medical issues or anything. Nothing surprises God. Because He knows us. He knew us before we were in existenece. Powerful right? 

Psalm 139 explains that God knit us together in our Mother's womb. He pieced all of us so beautifully together. Nothing we do or will do or have done can surprise our Creator. For he saw it before we were here. The beauty of these financial woes is this:  I sought God over fear... I felt Truimph over the enemy. I look at what faces me, 2 new bills that have to be added into a extremely tight budget. Normally I would be terrified.

I was pondering these bills wondering and  I heard God say " WHO am I?" " God" I answered. "Will I not take care of those how belong to me?" He asked . You see God loves me. He loves you. He won't let me fall.  Life happens. It's just the way it is. We can not let our circumstance or fear of unknowns cling to us.  Wasn't it God who rained down manna from heaven for the Israelites when they wandered in the wilderness for 40 year? He was faithful and new every morning. Why wouldn't He be for me? 

God is always there. He knows our problems. Our trials and pain. But the greatest thing we can do is give these issues to Him. Let Him have the control. Let Him deal with it. He is the great provider.


"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Circumstance can not be a ruler of our life. GOD is our ruler, his WORD holds us. Life is diffucult. It wasn't meant to be easy. The phrase " Easy Street" Does not exist. He warns us the road to salvation is narrow and difficult. But because we have Jesus the burden is light. So whatever is burdening you, I ask and pray you hand to Jesus. HE is our GOD! The One and ONLY Savior. He is magnificent. And wonderous. And all loving. He wants us to seek Him not only when things are hard and dark and scary. But also when things are going great. 

Father. My God. My love. My Savior.
Thank you for showing me you are Almighty. For pressing to me. Holding me and comforting me. You're peace is my santuary. I love you Jesus. And I know without a doubt you will provide and help me along this narrow wonderfully trial filled journey to your Gates. To Your throne. I long for you Jesus. I long for Your coming. Thank you for hearing my worry and answering it so beautifully. You will take care of me because you love me. 


Amen

One of those mornings

Have you ever just woken up grouchy? For no reason? I did. This morning. It was awful. The worst part about it was I knew I was being mean. I felt the annoyance building, the meanness growing. Finally I snapped so badly at my son that he burst into tear. I look across the hall to see my husband just staring at me... I snapped " What!" at him and he just walked away. Whoa! In my head I knew I was wrong but I couldn't pinpoint my grouchiness. It was just there. Building. Petty little things were annoying me. I then heard James quietly telling Logan to pick up his toys. So sweetly comforting Logan and trying to get the mess I was snapping about up. " Look" The Lord said. I felt shame and guilt wash over me.  What was wrong with me? This is not me... I am not the mean mommy who makes her kids cry. So I slunk into the living room sat down and watched my husband and 4 year old clean up quietly. As my son walked by me eying me to see if I was going to yell again, I reached out and wrapped him in my arms. He nuzzled there. I was already forgiven. I asked him anyway to forgive me and of course he said yes. I apologized to my husband after that and he just told me, " We all have our moments babe, everyone gets grouchy." " Not me." I said. 

The only thing I could do after that horrid moment of meanness was pray. " Lord, this is not me. Forgive me Father for yelling and just being nasty to my family.  Help me find grace and fill me with your joy even if it's only because you made today. Help me today Lord. I need joy and happiness to fill me. Not anger and grouchiness." Amen. 


 Immediately the built up wall of bad mood  melted. How great is the Lord!!! It was seriously something I could feel falling away. It left me filled with this joy and happiness. I still felt guilty as I kissed my hubby goodbye as he left for work.  His memory leaving the house this morning is filled with a bad mood wife. Not good. I am hoping that doesn't effect his work day. Though I know it will.  We need to be careful with how we are. How we act. Because we effect people around us. Logan's attitude may be worse today because I started his day off with yelling.  This is where God's beautiful grace comes in. He told me to look at my family and see what I was doing.  THEN- He forgives me and grants my prayer in abundance. He filled me with unexplainable joy. Joy only the Lord can give.


" Lord Jesus, you are so wonderful. So faithful and beautiful. You were there in my moment of mean weakness. You were there to show me what I was doing. You were still there with outstretched arms comforting me when I prayed. You were still there when you immediately answered my prayer. You are still here as I listen to 3 kids running around my house screaming at the top of their lungs and all I feel is happiness. Thank you Father for your love, grace, happiness and joy. For filling me so abundantly with it. You are so amazing Lord Jesus! I love you so very much. Amen"

Tremble

I am laying in  bed, waiting for my hubby to finish turning out the lights around the house, locking the doors , brushing his teeth etc. I have my Bible opened, my journal handy and I pray. " Lord, I am not sure where to read tonight. Please guide me, open my heart to Your Word." I start off in Romans 3, when I hear the Holy Spirit tell me to read Psalm 113. " Alright God, if that's where you want me." I say. 

Psalm 113

¹Praise ye the LORD. Praise, O ye servants of the LORD, praise the name of the LORD.

 ²Blessed be the name of the LORD from this time forth and for evermore.

 ³From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same the LORD's name is to be praised.

 ⁴The LORD is high above all nations, and his glory above the heavens.

 ⁵Who is like unto the LORD our God, who dwelleth on high,

 ⁶Who humbleth himself to behold the things that are in heaven, and in the earth!

 ⁷He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill;

 ⁸That he may set him with princes, even with the princes of his people.

 ⁹He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.

I don't need to explain what that chapter is about.... The first verse sums it up. I loved this chapter...I love that it shows how we need to praise God... For the wonderful things He does. He is truly a marvelous Lord. But this post isn't about Psalm 113. God directed me elsewhere. I had a feeling to continue, so I decided to read on. Reading the short little chapter of Psalm 114. One verse grabbed hold of my heart. Hung to it so tightly , I immediately opened my journal and just wrote...Asking God to lay on me anything He wants to say. 

Psalm 114:7
" Tremble thou earth at the presence of the Lord. At the presence of the God of Jacob." 
Does that verse not speak volumes.  - Tremble-  
It commands the earth to tremble because of the presence of GOD!!!! Our God... Our Almighty. We get to experience God everyday. Yet we take our Savior for granted. We get the priveledge to experience God not only in the big things, but the little ones too.  The little things He so wants to be apart of. Yet, do we tremble? 

As we sit in our churches, in our homes worshiping, PRAISING our Father, as his beautiful, wonderful presence falls down upon us and fills us, are we trembling?  It is a command that the earth tremble before God. Shouldn't we? 

Our God is Almighty! "  I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8

How many of us are experiencing God and yet taking Him for granted? I know I have.

Too long have we sat in silence! His Divine Presence is given to us freely. It's a gift! And we do nothing about it! We should be shouting for joy in worship, in our pastors sermons. Shouting because our Lord, our King, our SALVATION has shown up!!! The Lord fills us with HIM!!! His beautiful, wonderful self. How I ask, can people stand silent as this happens? Too long have we been quiet. Wake up!!! Shout! Cry out to our God!!! Shout to Him to proclaim His greatness. His glory. 

We serve an awesome God. Why then, if we know wholeheartedly how great our God is, are we not proclaiming that. God tells us to stand unashamed. Are you? His Word lives in us. HE lives in us. He is our hope, our love, our salvation. Our Majesty. In everything we do, we need to proclaim the LOVE of GOD.

Tremble before the Lord, because of His Magnificence. 

-Father God, I thank you. For answering my prayer and guiding me. For showing me what you wanted me to say. Thank you for listening Father. For loving me enough to listen and answer so directly and powerfully. You are truly an awesome God! I stand before you God unashamed of your Word. Unashamed of You God. For you are more precious to me, than anything. Thank you Lord Jesus.-

Amen

Fruits

So I am checking my facebook, reading new notifications, and friends status updates. I stop for a second and read someones status, when a face catches my attention. And then a few faces. And then a multitude of them. I know these people  I say. At that moment, high school floods into my mind and I remember. Oh yes, I know these people because I went to high school with them. My thoughts flood to why or why do these people know my people. People from church! I was horrified. 

Just to give you an insight.  I hated "me" in high-school. I hated everything about myself, my life, who I became. It was very bad and I was not a good person. Sin had a strong hold on me and I ran with it in desperation. Trying hard to find comfort from everything I was doing to myself when the answer was already in my heart. That story is for another day. So as I sit horrified to know that people I grew up with, people who knew me in high school went to my church, were associated with people I knew and talked with, a verse popped into my head. " By the fruits of the Spirit they shall know thee." 

I don't know where to find that verse in the Bible... but it wouldn't go away. It just sat there, " By the fruits of the Spirit they shall know thee." Like a beacon trying to find it's way through memories of shame and self worthlessness. So I prayed. God what does that mean. What are you trying to show me.  He gave me this:

Galatians 5:22-26

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.  And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."

Those are the fruits of the Spirit. I still didn't understand thinking , alright God but what does that have to do with me. I prayed harder asking for clarity. For the Lord to help me understand. And then it hit me. I am a NEW creation. Who I was is not who I am. The Lord showed me that what they will see today, these people I used to know,is the Fruits of the Spirit. Only  as I continue to hold onto them and use them. Christ lives in me. That will show.. Not who I was years ago. But who I am today as a daughter of the Most High. My Abba. 

Instead of dwelling and letting that shame and hate capture me, God led me to show me that I am not who I was then , or a year ago. I am new. It's time I start realizing I am a new creation. When I surrendered to the Lord the old me died away. Who I am in God is who I am today. I am still learning who this me is... But so far I LOVE who I see.

Lord,

Thank you Father for holding onto me even when the shame of sin tried to grasp me. To take me into that hole of desperation. Your hands held me. You gave me a voice in the darkness, a light into the shame with just a verse. Thank you Father for showing me I am something to you. I am not that person anymore, that I am new in you! I love you Lord Jesus! 

Amen

The Vine

I have been inspired :) I love inspiration from God .My inspiration starts with grapes. As I am sitting down at my dinosaur of a computer thinking of a completely different idea to post I decide I want some grapes. I walk into my kitchen, open the fridge , pull out the bag, put them in a strainer, wash them and remove the vine. Now I am sure this sounds completely odd. So I am going to veer off from the reason of inspiration and come back to it later.

As I walk this path of everlasting life, I continually find myself in awe. That's not new of course , generally when I describe how I feel about God, Awe comes into play. But lately I have been getting hammered by storms. Trials. Pitfalls. Whatever you want to call them, they have been happening in my life. Spiritually, financially, emotionally. It seems like every time I move two spaces towards God and this path He has chosen, something comes up to try and knock me 5 steps back. Now I am not surprised by this because the Word tells us this will happen. Trials, tribulation, long suffering have to happen in this life. We don't get an automatic get out of jail free card because we are Christians. We just have to focus on something greater than the trial in our life. His name happens to be Jesus. You see Jesus tells us this road in life is difficult. He warns us in advance. See how great our Lord is.

"Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it.  Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it." Matthew 7:13-14

Our path, our gate, our way in this alien world is narrow. Narrow by the way generally means a little more difficult. Walking up narrow stairs- difficult, winding down a narrow road- difficult. Just examples.  You see we are so hammered by life, the world, things sometimes we forget what our main focus is on. One of the greatest things I believe in is this. Follow the narrow path to eternity with our Lord. Our King!. If we keep our eyes on Jesus, If we let HIM guide our footsteps in this path, facing trials is just a little bit easier. It's when we take our eyes off of our precious Lord that we notice the world is there. We notice the worry, the stress, the scariness, the ugliness, the chaos that rules this world. That is when things fall apart. We then become so focused on how to maintain control, we forget that we had already previously given control over to God. He holds the reigns. Not us! You see God tells us to give everything to him. For his way is light.


"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Alright now back to my reasoning. You see God's way is the only way. What holds us here on this earth? Nothing. Nothing should surpass our love for the Lord. Jesus needs to be our everything we need to abide in Him. Be with Him daily. Seek Him, His Word, His Life every single day.  I AM the true vine! Jesus said in John 15:1


“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples." John 15:5-8

Without God, we can do nothing. If we don't abide in Him we are cast out! If we stay with Jesus. Our vine of Life. If we are in his Word, it dwells within us! HE is within us. How powerful that is. We can ask for what we desire, and it will be done! God needs to be glorified in all we do. Keeping our focus on the Lord helps us work towards glorifying God! With this we will bear much fruit! And we will be His disciples.

"You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles?  Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.  A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.  Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them." Matthew 7:16-20

Do you want to be a disciple of Christ? I know I do. I want to bear good fruit. Worthy of the Lord. We are the branch that is connected to the Vine! Jesus is that vine. Our branch bears good fruit as long as we stay with the vine. We abide within Him. Jesus washed away our sin because HE loved us. Abiding in Him, staying focused on His will. His way. His truth. This shouldn't be hard. Our hearts already belong to Him. From the time we surrendered and gave our heart to him change has come. Following, obeying, naturally need to take place. 

Look at your life. Truly meditate and contemplate our life.  This is hard I know. But look at the fruit you bear. Is it worthy of God? Take the grapes  wash them with Jesus' blood, but hold tight to the branch that is connected to the vine. Do not put this off. We may not have a later. This vine, the beautiful wonderful vine is our road, our way to God. The Almighty! Abba!

All this inspiration from grapes!! God is good :) 

Father God, thank you for shifting my whole world. Thank you for dwelling within me. Teaching me gently and holding me in your arms. Thank you for giving me the chance to remain and abide in you. For you are an amazing God. You are worthy! Lord God my heart belongs to you. Have your way Lord. For Your way is the Only way!

Amen

 

Fear

I was the poster child for a deeply rooted fear... Of people... Kind of crazy I know. But I was actually am afraid of them. Not like I thought everyone was an ax murderer fear but a deep consuming fear that had grown from this tiny little seed some years back and had completely taken over my life. It had gotten so bad I wouldn't make phone calls out of fear. I'd sit there trembling over it and finally my hubby would give in and do it himself.  Man he would get annoyed. So that would turn into an argument and just create negativity. See how the enemy plays into this. It consumed me so that the fear took my eyes off of God. Think about going into a grocery store and being scared to  chat with the cashier... That is how bad it was.

So I decided to pray about it. Fear can not rule my life. Fear is not from God. Or so He told me. God does not plant fear. He does not give it to you or help you find it. It is a blatant attack from the enemy as we walk this very narrow journey with Christ.  Satan wants us to stumble so why not seed doubt and fear until it takes root and grows. So here is the scene- I go to my quiet place to talk one on one with my Father. This happens to be outside on our back patio on a little white table. I have candles illuminating my prayer journal and my Bible a pen and a high lighter. As I am writing and praising my King I am surrounded by HIS creation. I feel the breeze, I look up to the heavens just bursting with stars. I smell the beautiful sweet blossoms from the tree next to me and in the distance I can hear frogs. But God's beautiful majestic presence is with me. Nothing is more beautiful than that scene right there! There is no fear there... Just God!

As I sit there praying  I ask God to renew my heart.  This leads into " Erase this fear I have developed of people and give me confidence to exclaim YOUR glory." Straight out of my journal. God spoke to me and told me... If you are afraid of people How can you do MY work? Wow! talk about a whopper of a statement. My purpose.. my one and only goal is to live for Christ. To do His will and work for His glory. His profession just happens to be about people. Not specific people but EVERYBODY! I continue to pray and decide to read the book of Haggai.  
Haggai 1:13- 
Then spake Haggai the LORD's messenger in the LORD's message unto the people, saying, I am with you, saith the LORD.
Haggai 2:5- 
According to the word that I covenanted with you when ye came out of Egypt, so my spirit remaineth among you: fear ye not.

Then if those are not enough I read the first part of Zechariah Chapter 1: 3
"Therefore say thou unto them, Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Turn ye unto me, saith the LORD of hosts, and I will turn unto you, saith the LORD of hosts."

I am astounded at how faithful and full of love and comfort God is.  How can I have fear when the Lord ABIDES in me. Not possible. He loved us so much He sent the Holy Spirit to dwell within us.  It's all tying together now. My Dad has been teaching me over the past few months to  study the Bible and read about being an overcomer , a conquerer. I will conquer this fear because MY KING abides in me. He reigns in MY heart. 

Well now let me enlighten you on a test the very next day.  I am on my way to get paper for Logan's art and as I am waiting in line I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit weighing on me to tell this cashier God bless you. Not that big of a thing right? Talk about throwing my fear right into my face.  I was terrified!  As I am in line my heart is pounding my chest. I feel the trembling and the Holy Spirit won't let up. So as I talk to this man, I ask how he is ,give him my money and Bam! May God bless you escapes my lips :) Powerful! He ignored it and moved onto the next customer but I did it! I said the words my Father wanted me to say at the right time. I overcame my fear. Today! 

So tonight I was praying and the Lord laid on my hear to pray about fear so I did. He comforted me and told me, confirmed to me to fear not HE is with me always. Psalm 23:1-4 

 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 

Father God you are so powerful! Nothing can stand in your way. Nothing is impossible for you! You are so majestic. So Holy Father! Thank you for abiding in me. Thank you for letting everything work together for my good. ( Romans 8:28) Thank you for walking this road with me and helping me overcome and conquer the scary stuff.. Oh how I love you Father. My King!!!!

Isaiah 40:28-31

'Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.'

Back to the Basics

In this new season, God has really laid on my heart to give away stuff. My true inspiration came when my neighbor and good friend took on the task of eliminating stuff in her life. She started with her garage and it moved on into her house. Then the following Sunday , our sermon was on eliminating stuff. The rubbish in our lives. I'm not just talking about spring cleaning junk out of drawers etc. But getting everything we don't use right now or have double of or whatever and giving it back. I really felt that the Lord was laying this on my heart. 
We live in a world so full of materialism and things. It's really kind of sad if you think about it. We as a society are so full of adding stuff that we never think of subtracting anything unless it breaks or loses value. We are a nation constantly buying "stuff". We accumulate so much when we really don't need it. We like to have comfortable surroundings. We are all guilty of it.
If you think about it in perspective think of all the millions of people who have nothing. Those extra comforter sets you have laying around don't really mean too much. The Lord laid upon my heart to examine the contents of my life and what I am bringing into. Recently I decided to listen to Him and really reflect. I realized that I was not only spoiling myself and children with stuff but I didn't have enough room for it.  Also what was I teaching my oldest son if we never gave back . We have been so blessed that it was time to give it back to God. To get back to the basics. Starting with my most comfortable area... My home.
 God then spoke to me again at my Bible study about a women who needs baby clothes in my group. I asked her if she needed some and she said yes! Amazing how God works that way lol Then James came home that same night and told me about a girl at his work who was in desperate need of baby boy stuff... That she had nothing so whatever we could give would help. The next day I set to work and brought in all 5 BAGS of baby clothes. I organized and worked all day sorting into piles what should go to who.  After that the ball didn't stop rolling. We moved onto our room and went through all of our clothes and belonging and got rid of bags full of things we don't ever wear, we don't like etc.
Finally I was like " Alright God, I see where you are going with this."


The biggest challenge was getting Logan on board. He wasn't easy to convince that his toys should be given up. So we prayed together. We as a family talked about the importance about giving things to other people so they can be blessed. That Sunday his class happened to be talking about how it makes God happy to give things away. He was finally okay and told me that God will be happy if he gives some toys away. Praising God and thanking Him for instilling in my child a heart after Him, Logan and I set to work. Going through books and his boxes upon boxes of toys. It was so liberating for us to give toys away we didn't need anymore. 


I think when we are constantly accumulating stuff we lose our focus of God. We waver on this narrow path. It's so important to remember that this earth and all it's possessions and things will not last. Give until the last! We don't need to surround ourselves with things. Simplicity needs to take hold. I love simple organized living. Basic living.  We need to be able to shift our focus on what pleases us and focus it on what please Him. Our God! Figure out what HE wants you to do with your earthy comforts. 

Luke 12:21

 “Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.”

John 6:27-  

But don’t be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man can give you. For God the Father has given me the seal of his approval.”

John 12:25-26

Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity.  Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And the Father will honor anyone who serves me.

John 18:36 -

Jesus answered, “My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish leaders. But my Kingdom is not of this world.”

In every situation God should be our focus. Even the little situations. His will and what HE wants to do in our lives should be priority number one. It's time to get back to the basics and get back to God. Let go of what we have and let God bring us to a more pleasing life in His eyes!

Astounded

I look at who I was and see where you were in the midst of darkness.... I remember the hurt this world offered. And found your arms. I saw the hate this world brings and sought your comfort. I was the lost and you found me. I left you and yet you never let go. I abandoned you ... And you just held on tighter. You're love is astonishing.

Tonight on the eve of the day we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus I decided to reflect. The reflection led me to look at who I was. That is not a pretty picture. I was an awful person consumed by sin who went down a road that led further from the light. I walked my path in blindness, darkness tracing my footsteps. Temptation, misguiding and deception took hold of who I was. I ignored the soul screaming inside of me and hid it with things of this world. The Word of God became offensive to me. I became offensive to myself. I hated myself and my hatred led me father away from the Lord. I was on a path of destruction, drowning in the forever darkness that is sin.The point being, Jesus Saved my life.

I was brought up a Christian and abandoned my faith for the lies of this world. Deception is a powerful tool used by the enemy and man it worked a number in my life. I won't go into details of what I did.  But the love of Christ blessed me even in sin. I have an amazing man for a husband a beautiful 3.5 year old to prove that and another beautiful blessing in my youngest son. He loves us so much He even blesses us when we don't even acknowledge Him. A year ago HE reached out his hand and took hold of my heart. I was changed forever. I remember walking into church. My heart heavy because oh who I was. My whole body telling me to run away from there. That is holds nothing. But HE stretched out his hands and told me to come. HE held me up when I couldn't. Above all He DIED for me and I don't deserve it.  Again thank you just isn't sufficient to what He did for this world. This grace period we are living in is our time to let the name of JESUS ring.

My love for Jesus triumphs over everything in my life. I stand astonished by the love He has given me. Somebody so undeserving. Easter is not about bunnies or candy or baskets. It's about the sacrifice and love the Lord gave us in his only Son. It's about Jesus conquering everything! Even Hell. Reflect on what Jesus has done in your life. Who HE has made you. 

Father! Abba! I thank you though it isn't enough. Thank you for being my light. For loving me. For guiding me to Your arms. For pulling me from the pit of despair and darkness. For dying and living once again for me. I am your servant God. Surrendered completely to You and Your will. Thank you Thank you Thank you!

Discipline

I have failed. Now that is a pretty profound statement when most wont admit to failures. But I ... Have...Failed... How have I failed? I have failed my Lord. And He has disciplined me. For he has given me a new fear, the fear for many.  Let me explain:

I feel as though I don't know how to pray. Pretty ridiculous I must say but because of that feeling of , I don't devote myself to prayer or talking with the Lord. I have challenged myself on this blog to dig into the Word and find time to sit with the Lord. This has brought me to my knees before God. Because I have failed. Sobbing and pleading to the Lord for forgiveness for not giving Him time. My life is so centered around so much I have lost track of my love. My heart has gone in a different direction then what it started. I have failed myself and God. 

That is heart wrenching because I don't want to fail God. How do we grow in a relationship unless we work at it. I was skidding by getting touches of the Lord asking to be blessed when all HE wanted me to do was stop. And talk. Simple.. As I sit sobbing to the Lord for forgiveness bringing of every sin , every thought unpleasing He comforts me. Because His grace is so amazing. I was wrong yet He holds me.  I seem to struggle with devotion. For months now I have been thinking of ways to get into devoted one on one time with God. This is not rocket science people. Sitting in a quiet place , talking to the Lord is not hard. But for me I found myself struggling. Becoming so absorbed in this world, the chaos of my life that I ignored Him. I expected to be blessed because I prayed for it. I wasn't making time for God. I was giving Him bits of me when He wanted ALL. 

I had this fear. That I would become a lukewarm Christian and the flame in my heart would just go out. But I never went to God with this fear. What was I doing when I was getting so caught up but drawing farther away from God! What was I doing when I was so"busy" but making myself go away from God. Giving into the world and being a lukewarm Christian. I was wrong. I have failed. 

Revelation  3:15-16 “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other!  But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." Powerful statement that has struck my heart.

 Through my tears I sat in silence waiting for the Lord to speak. He gave me this verse. 

Matthew 24:12  

"Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold." It goes on into verse 13 saying this : But the one who endures to the end will be saved."

My fear of being Lukewarm is gone. That was a slap to say ..WAKE UP! You were being cold what makes you think no one else is. Fear has grabbed me for the souls who don't know My Father. People this generation, this world is full of sin. Rampant and Raging. We are God's ARMY. This relationship must not grow cold but get stronger. We must practice daily devotion to draw closer to our Lord and Savior. I must practice daily devotion.  This fire I feel for the Lord is strong. Do not get distracted by the world. It truly holds nothing for us. We must come to Him in every situation. In ever instance. The WORD of God is our weapon. Study it. Live it! This is life! I have just realized this. I have just committed this to heart. Word= Life. It is His divine tool to help us navigate through the chaos. And to bring us back to Him!

Thank you Lord God for giving me the direction that I needed to wake up and realize I was wrong. Thank you for the comfort, the grace , the mercy and your love. But most of all thank you for your presence which is something I now hold dear in my heart. Something I will work on with your help to get back to you. This fire is burning people. But not only for myself. For those starved of the love I know.! Please go out and bring glory to the name of the Lord! 
 

I am changed.

I have been called a lot of things  in my short 22 years. Some are pretty unmentionable and inappropriate. Others like over zealous freak, spiritual warrior( That is meant as an insult) and others have come across me. But you know what the one thing I want to be called when I meet my Father? Good and faithful servant. See today I have changed. I feel it. I feel the Holy Spirit jumping inside of me. I feel as if I could scream my heart out for the Lord. I feel as if I need to go 50 different directions all at once. 

Do you know why? Because today I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. And it's not going away. Normally I would get touches of Him. Touches to reassure me He is there.  But today I was touched by the Lord.  Today I truly pressed into the presence of my Father with complete abandon and faith. Maybe it was listening to my pastor who God bless his heart decided to listen to God and skip his sermon and give an alter call. Maybe it was bowing before my God in surrender.Maybe it was listening to the quiet tears of my husband praying to our Father. Maybe it was feeling the hand of God stirring my soul. Or seeing His beautiful light, light up my soul. I can't explain it . But I am changed. 

I have been a Christian for about a year now. Praise the Lord that He sought me out and led me out of the darkness and into the Light.  I have a new outlook on everything. I prayed today as I have never prayed before. There was no reserve. Not boundaries. Just me and my Abba. I worshiped today with complete abandon. I listened today. I listened to what my soul has been screaming at me to do all along. Give up, give in, go to God. You see I cried out to God to touch me. To give me a purpose , to let me hear his voice. All I heard was silence. Why? Because I wasn't ready. I hadn't completely let go. I was afraid. 

Today marks the day that the fears, the shame, the everything die away. I have died and risen anew in the Lord.  The point is , today is the day I do not care what anyone calls me. Jesus freak, over zealous, spiritual warrior , Bible thumper. Whatever it may be that is said against me. The only true thing that matters is what God thinks of me. And I know I am beloved in his eyes. What I do with my time here on this earth, which is drastically coming to a close. And how I fulfill God purpose for me, through God. I trust he will guide me in the darkest places. I know He is there.. Because I FELT Him there. 

Thank you Lord for this revelation. Thank you for the Holy Spirit dwelling in me. Thank You for your arms that surround me. Thank you for the unconditional love and kindness, acceptance and grace. 

I love you Lord Jesus. More than anything and everything. My heart and soul jump at your name. I love you Lord God, my Father, I love you!

Prayer of healing

Father you have asked me to be a prayer warrior for my beautiful friend.Lord God you have given me this beautiful friend. She has been with me through out my life. You know who she is. You know her circumstances and what is going on. You know her and understand. You know her heart as well as her body Father. Hear her. I lift her up to you God for healing.. Complete healing of her body, mind, spirit, heart. You are our great God. You, who heal the sick and make the blind see. You.. Who healed my son Noah. I ask this for her. There are issues going on Father causing more problems. Lord whatever it is please completely heal and restore her. Show her you have heard her pleas Father God. Your will be done above all. Comfort her Lord god. She is such a beautiful and wonderful person. You know this.Watch over her as well as her husband Lord. Give them the direction and strength to get through this hard season.

They love you Father. I love you Lord.

Thank you for your Mercy. Love. Healing and Grace.

Amen

Quiet Stillness Peace

The Lord doesn't ask for much. Surrender, devotion and obedience are little compared to what our Lord gave for us. I find myself always at a loss for words all the time. I struggle and the Lord continuously has His arms around me. I struggle most with prayer. With devotional time. It seems my mind comes up with continuous things I could be doing instead.

Wrong. The most important thing is to talk to God. I hunger for his voice. I crave his presence. You know something remarkable. God's presence is always with me. But do I always tune myself to it? Nope. I always wonder when I cry out to God to hear his voice or feel his comforting hands if he laughs. Because his voice is there. I just don't listen for it. The fault is on me... never on the Lord.

My challenge for myself is to get back to the hunger for the word of God I had a year ago. To want to dig deeper into his word and look at it more as something I love instead of another chore. I find myself programmed as a mom on routine. Schedules dominate my life. My kids have a morning and bedtime schedule. I schedule around my house chores etc. Why do we have to schedule in God?

The answer? We shouldn't. Our lives should be scheduled around God. Great word I recieved there. It's a battle in my little world. But a battle I am going to face head on because of all things in this little life, this love I have for the Lord is the most important. It goes above and beyond anything. And when I go to meet my Father I want him to smile upon me and say Well done my good and faithful servant well done.

So back to Quiet, Stillness, Peace. Going to find a quiet place to talk one on on with God? Yes. Be still before Him so we can communicate and draw closer to one another? Yes. Find peace in the Lord because he is with me? Always

Prayer Journal Entry

You chose me in advance Lord. Romans 8:29 I am apart of this chosen generation. That idea Lord knots my stomach in excitement. I am apart of your plan Lord God. You love me You see beauty. You chose death so that I can live.

Romans 8:38-39 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. -KJV-

Nothing can take you away from me. You are always here filling my heart with your love. Your peace. Your gladness. Thank you Lord Jesus for the unending love. For this time with you God. For the spirit inside me that jumps at your name. I want to live by your will Father. Renew my heart for a hunger in you. Replenish it and feed it with your love. You come before all. Help me focus my time on you. Life and all its moments cloud things. You know this. Guide my direction back to you Lord.

Thank you Lord for taking my hand everyday and being with me. Even when I fail and don't make the effort to be with you. You still are there. Taking me into your arms. Thank you for your grace Father. Thank you for this love that blooms for you God. I love you! My heart feels as though it will burst with love for you. Give me this feeling daily Lord God. As a reminder of your love reigning in my life oh Lord. I love you Jesus! I love you!!

Amen

How HE loves us

Can we fathom that statement? Can we honestly begin to see how much God love us? How God sees us? I can't... I stand literally in awe of God. Speechless. I listen to a song called how he loves us and I feel like my soul is pouring out to him as I lift my hands in worship. As I cry out to the Lord just so He can see I love Him! And to realize how much I love Him doesn't even compare to how much He loves me. ME!
I drowned in His love. Everyday His hand works in my life in some way. Everyday I wake up to His brilliance and I have no words. I am so glad God knows my heart and what it feels because words do not suffice here. They don't compare to how my soul cries out to God. I get to look at my beautiful children and see God's beauty but also his blessing. His love lives in my home in the form of a 3 and a half year old and a 1 year old. They are examples of God love. Because they bring His love to a front and pour it out so innocently.
He blessed me with this life . We are so undeserving of His love. Nothing we do here on this earth can match God and yet He loves us. He knows us. He is brilliant. He is beautiful. I long for the day where I stand with God. Because that day will be better than any day here on earth.Thank you isn't enough Lord God.

Prayer

Lord God you are so amazing! You shower down your love to me so undeserving. The love I have for you far surpasses anything I have felt before. It's a consuming burn inside my heart. Lord God thank you. For the health of my boys. Thank you for a husband who appreciates and loves me so very much. Thank you for your provision . Only through you could we have gotten over that hard season. You have brought us the joy you promised us Lord God. Thank you.. I will forever thank you for taking us into your arms daily. The time is running short Lord and I long for the day for you to come. Please use me Father in these last days as your tool. Guide me where you want me to go.

Amen

Prayer

Oh Lord, I come to you and ask that you just be will my friend Heather's Mom Lord God. She has been having some medical issues Father and goes in for a brain scan Lord ... Please heal her. Let them turn to her and tell her she is cured. Lord all things are possible with you. Give her your peace on this si0tuation and above all else let her turn to you and know your will is in her life.

I lift up Caleb's friend Nick Levi Lord who seems to be so far from you. I put my trust in you Lord and ask that your light shine through and make it known to him. Let him see your glory and love Lord.

Father you are so wonderful. You are so great and rule so greatly in my life. I put my trust in you that your will will be done in their lives. Whatever the outcome I know you have a plan.

Thank you Father for your love, and strength. Your healing touch and mercy. Your grace and presence.

Amen

A Heavy Heart

Oh Lord God, my heart is burdened for those in my family- Close and far in heart Lord. You know all of our situations. You know our paths and our hearts. You know where this life will lead even though we don't.

I lift my mother up to you Father God for she is in need of your comfort. Shower your love and comfort upon her Lord and let her know it will be alright. Reveal to her whatever it is that is being held against her from others so that she may see and grow from it Lord. Reaffirm that my sister is yours first and you know what is going on. To put trust in that. You know how to deal with it Father even when us on the sidelines don't understand.

I lift my sister to you God. You know our situation. You know Father but she rests heavy on my heart and mind and I give her to you. Whatever it is going on with her please above all soften her heart to you. Let her seek you out. Let her see that everything is alright with you Father God. If is your will let her reach out to this family and realize we all love her. Maybe we all failed in that department growing up but the love is still there.

We are so undeserving of your love Father. Help me show your love that fills me to others.
Be with my brother Jonathan Lord heal him quickly and let the pain be minimal.

I hand my family over to you Lord and know they are in your hands

I love you Jesus

Amen

Constant State/ Prayer

It amazes me that everyday I walk with the Lord's hand in my life... Isn't that amazing? Isn't it amazing that I can always grasp that hand when I need Him. That He is always there. Family, friends, people, the human race fail us , but never God. He is constant. He is almighty. He never leaves us ... Ever... Even in the scariest moments of our lives He is right with us. I love that! I love you Lord!

I am asking for your blessing tonight as I go and be with a bunch of beautiful women who serve you Lord. Bless this meeting. Fill it with your presence and your peace. Thank you for these women Lord. Thank you for their friendship and fellowship and love for you. Thank you that we are able to meet and talk freely about you.

Please be with my close friend Father, whose going through a trial in her life. Her husband is being deployed again and it is very hard on her. Keep her strong and let her lean on you.

Bless my brother Caleb Father as he goes to the Youth Group at our church. Let your presence flood that body of believers Father and consume them. Just saturate that place with your love and Spirit Lord and rock their world!

Please be with my brother tomorrow as he goes into surgery for his mouth. I lift him up to you. Watch over him please and let the surgery go smoothly and the pain be minimal. Be with my Mother Lord God and let her get through Jonathan's surgery and recovery. Give her a renewed strength in you God.

Be with my James tonight Father. Watch over him and the boys. I know he is so exhausted. Give him the energy he needs to deal with 2 tired boy Lord. Let them be good for him and go down easily Father.


Amen!

Prayer Request

Lord God, I come to you and lift up Eli to you Lord. Father, it seems he is having so many worldly issues. His sister especially is worried and I ask that you just soften his heart to your will and presence. Acknowledge you and let you reign over his heart. Whatever legal issues or unlawful run ins he is having, let him look to those in past tense and become new in you Father. Let him lean on you and realize you are the only way. Ease his sisters heart father and give her your unending peace. Help her trust that you will take care of it.

Thank you Father,

Amen

Who am I?

I am still stunned by how the Lord showers down his blessing. When I am in need He is there. When I am in distress He is my refuge. How undeserving I am. I stand in awe of his magnificence every day. Who am I to receive this love? I am no one. I am a face among the masses of faces blurred by the world. Yet, God can see my face. He can look down upon me and pick me out of the crowd.He can see me more clearly than I do. And he loves me. Me!

What a revelation to know the God loves me. I look back at who I was, wandering about lost. And like a light piercing my heart He called out to me to come to Him. Who am I to hear the voice of God? Who am I to sit the presence of the Holy Spirit and let it wash over me? I am a child of God. Do you know how amazing that is to me... Thank you Lord, for reaching out into my darkness and finding my hand. For guiding me to the places you want me. For filling me with your Spirit and washing away my despair, my shame, my sorrow. Thank you for the new person you have created. Thank you for the burning fire in my heart for you. Thank you for piercing that darkness even when I didn't acknowledge you. You were there. Always. Never forsaking me.

I am rocked by the majesty of God. The only words I truly have are, Thank you Father!