Fruits

So I am checking my facebook, reading new notifications, and friends status updates. I stop for a second and read someones status, when a face catches my attention. And then a few faces. And then a multitude of them. I know these people  I say. At that moment, high school floods into my mind and I remember. Oh yes, I know these people because I went to high school with them. My thoughts flood to why or why do these people know my people. People from church! I was horrified. 

Just to give you an insight.  I hated "me" in high-school. I hated everything about myself, my life, who I became. It was very bad and I was not a good person. Sin had a strong hold on me and I ran with it in desperation. Trying hard to find comfort from everything I was doing to myself when the answer was already in my heart. That story is for another day. So as I sit horrified to know that people I grew up with, people who knew me in high school went to my church, were associated with people I knew and talked with, a verse popped into my head. " By the fruits of the Spirit they shall know thee." 

I don't know where to find that verse in the Bible... but it wouldn't go away. It just sat there, " By the fruits of the Spirit they shall know thee." Like a beacon trying to find it's way through memories of shame and self worthlessness. So I prayed. God what does that mean. What are you trying to show me.  He gave me this:

Galatians 5:22-26

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.  And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."

Those are the fruits of the Spirit. I still didn't understand thinking , alright God but what does that have to do with me. I prayed harder asking for clarity. For the Lord to help me understand. And then it hit me. I am a NEW creation. Who I was is not who I am. The Lord showed me that what they will see today, these people I used to know,is the Fruits of the Spirit. Only  as I continue to hold onto them and use them. Christ lives in me. That will show.. Not who I was years ago. But who I am today as a daughter of the Most High. My Abba. 

Instead of dwelling and letting that shame and hate capture me, God led me to show me that I am not who I was then , or a year ago. I am new. It's time I start realizing I am a new creation. When I surrendered to the Lord the old me died away. Who I am in God is who I am today. I am still learning who this me is... But so far I LOVE who I see.

Lord,

Thank you Father for holding onto me even when the shame of sin tried to grasp me. To take me into that hole of desperation. Your hands held me. You gave me a voice in the darkness, a light into the shame with just a verse. Thank you Father for showing me I am something to you. I am not that person anymore, that I am new in you! I love you Lord Jesus! 

Amen