Fear

I was the poster child for a deeply rooted fear... Of people... Kind of crazy I know. But I was actually am afraid of them. Not like I thought everyone was an ax murderer fear but a deep consuming fear that had grown from this tiny little seed some years back and had completely taken over my life. It had gotten so bad I wouldn't make phone calls out of fear. I'd sit there trembling over it and finally my hubby would give in and do it himself.  Man he would get annoyed. So that would turn into an argument and just create negativity. See how the enemy plays into this. It consumed me so that the fear took my eyes off of God. Think about going into a grocery store and being scared to  chat with the cashier... That is how bad it was.

So I decided to pray about it. Fear can not rule my life. Fear is not from God. Or so He told me. God does not plant fear. He does not give it to you or help you find it. It is a blatant attack from the enemy as we walk this very narrow journey with Christ.  Satan wants us to stumble so why not seed doubt and fear until it takes root and grows. So here is the scene- I go to my quiet place to talk one on one with my Father. This happens to be outside on our back patio on a little white table. I have candles illuminating my prayer journal and my Bible a pen and a high lighter. As I am writing and praising my King I am surrounded by HIS creation. I feel the breeze, I look up to the heavens just bursting with stars. I smell the beautiful sweet blossoms from the tree next to me and in the distance I can hear frogs. But God's beautiful majestic presence is with me. Nothing is more beautiful than that scene right there! There is no fear there... Just God!

As I sit there praying  I ask God to renew my heart.  This leads into " Erase this fear I have developed of people and give me confidence to exclaim YOUR glory." Straight out of my journal. God spoke to me and told me... If you are afraid of people How can you do MY work? Wow! talk about a whopper of a statement. My purpose.. my one and only goal is to live for Christ. To do His will and work for His glory. His profession just happens to be about people. Not specific people but EVERYBODY! I continue to pray and decide to read the book of Haggai.  
Haggai 1:13- 
Then spake Haggai the LORD's messenger in the LORD's message unto the people, saying, I am with you, saith the LORD.
Haggai 2:5- 
According to the word that I covenanted with you when ye came out of Egypt, so my spirit remaineth among you: fear ye not.

Then if those are not enough I read the first part of Zechariah Chapter 1: 3
"Therefore say thou unto them, Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Turn ye unto me, saith the LORD of hosts, and I will turn unto you, saith the LORD of hosts."

I am astounded at how faithful and full of love and comfort God is.  How can I have fear when the Lord ABIDES in me. Not possible. He loved us so much He sent the Holy Spirit to dwell within us.  It's all tying together now. My Dad has been teaching me over the past few months to  study the Bible and read about being an overcomer , a conquerer. I will conquer this fear because MY KING abides in me. He reigns in MY heart. 

Well now let me enlighten you on a test the very next day.  I am on my way to get paper for Logan's art and as I am waiting in line I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit weighing on me to tell this cashier God bless you. Not that big of a thing right? Talk about throwing my fear right into my face.  I was terrified!  As I am in line my heart is pounding my chest. I feel the trembling and the Holy Spirit won't let up. So as I talk to this man, I ask how he is ,give him my money and Bam! May God bless you escapes my lips :) Powerful! He ignored it and moved onto the next customer but I did it! I said the words my Father wanted me to say at the right time. I overcame my fear. Today! 

So tonight I was praying and the Lord laid on my hear to pray about fear so I did. He comforted me and told me, confirmed to me to fear not HE is with me always. Psalm 23:1-4 

 The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 

Father God you are so powerful! Nothing can stand in your way. Nothing is impossible for you! You are so majestic. So Holy Father! Thank you for abiding in me. Thank you for letting everything work together for my good. ( Romans 8:28) Thank you for walking this road with me and helping me overcome and conquer the scary stuff.. Oh how I love you Father. My King!!!!

Isaiah 40:28-31

'Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.'

Back to the Basics

In this new season, God has really laid on my heart to give away stuff. My true inspiration came when my neighbor and good friend took on the task of eliminating stuff in her life. She started with her garage and it moved on into her house. Then the following Sunday , our sermon was on eliminating stuff. The rubbish in our lives. I'm not just talking about spring cleaning junk out of drawers etc. But getting everything we don't use right now or have double of or whatever and giving it back. I really felt that the Lord was laying this on my heart. 
We live in a world so full of materialism and things. It's really kind of sad if you think about it. We as a society are so full of adding stuff that we never think of subtracting anything unless it breaks or loses value. We are a nation constantly buying "stuff". We accumulate so much when we really don't need it. We like to have comfortable surroundings. We are all guilty of it.
If you think about it in perspective think of all the millions of people who have nothing. Those extra comforter sets you have laying around don't really mean too much. The Lord laid upon my heart to examine the contents of my life and what I am bringing into. Recently I decided to listen to Him and really reflect. I realized that I was not only spoiling myself and children with stuff but I didn't have enough room for it.  Also what was I teaching my oldest son if we never gave back . We have been so blessed that it was time to give it back to God. To get back to the basics. Starting with my most comfortable area... My home.
 God then spoke to me again at my Bible study about a women who needs baby clothes in my group. I asked her if she needed some and she said yes! Amazing how God works that way lol Then James came home that same night and told me about a girl at his work who was in desperate need of baby boy stuff... That she had nothing so whatever we could give would help. The next day I set to work and brought in all 5 BAGS of baby clothes. I organized and worked all day sorting into piles what should go to who.  After that the ball didn't stop rolling. We moved onto our room and went through all of our clothes and belonging and got rid of bags full of things we don't ever wear, we don't like etc.
Finally I was like " Alright God, I see where you are going with this."


The biggest challenge was getting Logan on board. He wasn't easy to convince that his toys should be given up. So we prayed together. We as a family talked about the importance about giving things to other people so they can be blessed. That Sunday his class happened to be talking about how it makes God happy to give things away. He was finally okay and told me that God will be happy if he gives some toys away. Praising God and thanking Him for instilling in my child a heart after Him, Logan and I set to work. Going through books and his boxes upon boxes of toys. It was so liberating for us to give toys away we didn't need anymore. 


I think when we are constantly accumulating stuff we lose our focus of God. We waver on this narrow path. It's so important to remember that this earth and all it's possessions and things will not last. Give until the last! We don't need to surround ourselves with things. Simplicity needs to take hold. I love simple organized living. Basic living.  We need to be able to shift our focus on what pleases us and focus it on what please Him. Our God! Figure out what HE wants you to do with your earthy comforts. 

Luke 12:21

 “Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.”

John 6:27-  

But don’t be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man can give you. For God the Father has given me the seal of his approval.”

John 12:25-26

Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity.  Anyone who wants to be my disciple must follow me, because my servants must be where I am. And the Father will honor anyone who serves me.

John 18:36 -

Jesus answered, “My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish leaders. But my Kingdom is not of this world.”

In every situation God should be our focus. Even the little situations. His will and what HE wants to do in our lives should be priority number one. It's time to get back to the basics and get back to God. Let go of what we have and let God bring us to a more pleasing life in His eyes!

Astounded

I look at who I was and see where you were in the midst of darkness.... I remember the hurt this world offered. And found your arms. I saw the hate this world brings and sought your comfort. I was the lost and you found me. I left you and yet you never let go. I abandoned you ... And you just held on tighter. You're love is astonishing.

Tonight on the eve of the day we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus I decided to reflect. The reflection led me to look at who I was. That is not a pretty picture. I was an awful person consumed by sin who went down a road that led further from the light. I walked my path in blindness, darkness tracing my footsteps. Temptation, misguiding and deception took hold of who I was. I ignored the soul screaming inside of me and hid it with things of this world. The Word of God became offensive to me. I became offensive to myself. I hated myself and my hatred led me father away from the Lord. I was on a path of destruction, drowning in the forever darkness that is sin.The point being, Jesus Saved my life.

I was brought up a Christian and abandoned my faith for the lies of this world. Deception is a powerful tool used by the enemy and man it worked a number in my life. I won't go into details of what I did.  But the love of Christ blessed me even in sin. I have an amazing man for a husband a beautiful 3.5 year old to prove that and another beautiful blessing in my youngest son. He loves us so much He even blesses us when we don't even acknowledge Him. A year ago HE reached out his hand and took hold of my heart. I was changed forever. I remember walking into church. My heart heavy because oh who I was. My whole body telling me to run away from there. That is holds nothing. But HE stretched out his hands and told me to come. HE held me up when I couldn't. Above all He DIED for me and I don't deserve it.  Again thank you just isn't sufficient to what He did for this world. This grace period we are living in is our time to let the name of JESUS ring.

My love for Jesus triumphs over everything in my life. I stand astonished by the love He has given me. Somebody so undeserving. Easter is not about bunnies or candy or baskets. It's about the sacrifice and love the Lord gave us in his only Son. It's about Jesus conquering everything! Even Hell. Reflect on what Jesus has done in your life. Who HE has made you. 

Father! Abba! I thank you though it isn't enough. Thank you for being my light. For loving me. For guiding me to Your arms. For pulling me from the pit of despair and darkness. For dying and living once again for me. I am your servant God. Surrendered completely to You and Your will. Thank you Thank you Thank you!