One of those mornings

Have you ever just woken up grouchy? For no reason? I did. This morning. It was awful. The worst part about it was I knew I was being mean. I felt the annoyance building, the meanness growing. Finally I snapped so badly at my son that he burst into tear. I look across the hall to see my husband just staring at me... I snapped " What!" at him and he just walked away. Whoa! In my head I knew I was wrong but I couldn't pinpoint my grouchiness. It was just there. Building. Petty little things were annoying me. I then heard James quietly telling Logan to pick up his toys. So sweetly comforting Logan and trying to get the mess I was snapping about up. " Look" The Lord said. I felt shame and guilt wash over me.  What was wrong with me? This is not me... I am not the mean mommy who makes her kids cry. So I slunk into the living room sat down and watched my husband and 4 year old clean up quietly. As my son walked by me eying me to see if I was going to yell again, I reached out and wrapped him in my arms. He nuzzled there. I was already forgiven. I asked him anyway to forgive me and of course he said yes. I apologized to my husband after that and he just told me, " We all have our moments babe, everyone gets grouchy." " Not me." I said. 

The only thing I could do after that horrid moment of meanness was pray. " Lord, this is not me. Forgive me Father for yelling and just being nasty to my family.  Help me find grace and fill me with your joy even if it's only because you made today. Help me today Lord. I need joy and happiness to fill me. Not anger and grouchiness." Amen. 


 Immediately the built up wall of bad mood  melted. How great is the Lord!!! It was seriously something I could feel falling away. It left me filled with this joy and happiness. I still felt guilty as I kissed my hubby goodbye as he left for work.  His memory leaving the house this morning is filled with a bad mood wife. Not good. I am hoping that doesn't effect his work day. Though I know it will.  We need to be careful with how we are. How we act. Because we effect people around us. Logan's attitude may be worse today because I started his day off with yelling.  This is where God's beautiful grace comes in. He told me to look at my family and see what I was doing.  THEN- He forgives me and grants my prayer in abundance. He filled me with unexplainable joy. Joy only the Lord can give.


" Lord Jesus, you are so wonderful. So faithful and beautiful. You were there in my moment of mean weakness. You were there to show me what I was doing. You were still there with outstretched arms comforting me when I prayed. You were still there when you immediately answered my prayer. You are still here as I listen to 3 kids running around my house screaming at the top of their lungs and all I feel is happiness. Thank you Father for your love, grace, happiness and joy. For filling me so abundantly with it. You are so amazing Lord Jesus! I love you so very much. Amen"